Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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