Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
