when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
how drunk are you?
Several
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