dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am available for nakedness
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize