When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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