I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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