$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
