So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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