I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
