I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
