im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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