This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
