ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
