Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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