dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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