When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
