I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
