I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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