just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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