Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
