Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
