it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
