if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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