She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
