I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize