They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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