tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
