just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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