the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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