once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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