I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
