It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is my gift to your gina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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