last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
