Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize