Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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