I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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