Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's the barista slut.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
