with your own penis?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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