Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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