i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
