So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I intend to get homeless drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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