I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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