It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
