This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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