i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
