my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
