I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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