we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
