Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
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