This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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