Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
