Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
