so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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