Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
