someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
