I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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