Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
