FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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