you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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