Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
