Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
is that a dick in a sweater?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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