Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
