Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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