I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
