HIV tests are more positive than that guy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
