Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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