I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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