totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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