you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
