ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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