she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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