i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
