If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
