Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
