This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
