I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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