Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
